Nov. 1st, 2021

intercostalspace: (journal)
I haven't journaled in a while because I was feeling pretty good and also I got sick. I'm still sick but I was mostly feeling good because I was avoiding or ignoring the things that made me feel bad. Now it is harder to ignore those things so I feel bad again.

Today I got a lot of emails from teachers and my disability services provider about how I am not doing well in classes and asking if I'm doing okay. I am not doing okay I have not been going to my classes because I hate going and I don't like school. I can't say that to them though because that sounds dumb and when you say that people give advice that doesn't help at all so I don't know how to respond to the emails. I am not doing well at all.

I also forgot to call out of work sick a couple times because I am a bad employee. I think I should probably quit my job I might get fired soon because I've been out sick for a week and because I've forgotten to call in those times which is bad. These are things people get fired for so I expect I might be fired.

I'm really overwhelmed so I've been spacey and blurry a lot and missing a lot of the days. Time goes by really fast and I don't remember a lot of it and so nothing gets done either. I don't think I should have adult responsibilities I don't want to be an adult I don't think I can take care of myself and make decisions on my own. I can't do it I'm not even an adult I'm 17 and even though I'm turning 18 I don't feel like it I feel like a kid still.

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intercostalspace

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